cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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