I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
