I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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