His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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