He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
