This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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