I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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