someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
as a side note pls kill me
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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