Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
