LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize