some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I need to calm my uterus...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
