The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
