you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
