I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
