my phone needs a breathalizer
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Those nachos came to me in a dream
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
