dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
