So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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