Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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