I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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