sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
