Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
