Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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