Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
