i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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