The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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