dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
