If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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