duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
