I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
