party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
