Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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