I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
