just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
