just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
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