no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
