Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
