My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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