i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
so let's talk penis.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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