There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
