new low.... made out with someone while peeing
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Randomize
