Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
