i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
