so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
