I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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