Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
