apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
