I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
