Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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