stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
