Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
