I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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