are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
