her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It was like giving head to a cactus.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
