I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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