nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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