I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
