I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
