grandma shit on top of the toilet
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
