i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
