I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Randomize
