I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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