if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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