dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm at about main and main street
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
