I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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