OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize