I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
