I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
