I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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