dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
