Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
