I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
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