Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
