Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I deserve this hangover.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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