I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
