Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
