he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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