i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He shit in the fireplace
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
