I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize