i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
