i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
