Don't you send me to vm
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Randomize
