she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
