Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize