So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
