i think i have two assholes
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
