i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
