I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize