she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
