Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
